kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
