That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
