people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
