Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
