Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
