dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
