I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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