i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
