Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
