it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
