My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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