She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
