At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
