There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
