so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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