Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
