When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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