So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
