it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
