im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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