You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sext me about skeletons
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
