I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
