Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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