how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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