last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
