they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
