im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
