she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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