before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
