Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
