i just had sex bonerless
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
