I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
