she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
