she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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