I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
