Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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