She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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