someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
