and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
