someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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