He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
