You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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