so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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