She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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