the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
