I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
