Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
