gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
