85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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