I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
