I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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